No fear.

I am a person who is crippled by fear. I have come a long way, I am learning when you fear you are choosing not to trust God. I am learning to pray through each time a lie surfaces, I am learnin to talk things out with friends. I am learning to trust. It is definately a process, but I do know God is bigger then my fears and he doesn't want me to live in fear. I think that these fears have kept me from living a better story. I think that I like to be comfortable, and not take risks. I fear something could happen to hurt me or my friends and family. I am learning that God asks me to "fear not" over and over and over and over. He must have known that we would struggle with fear. I am thankful for the reassurance over and over and over.

I would consider myself a homebody. I love being with people, I just prefer they come to me. Some days the thought of driving in my car makes me nervous. I love vacation, but flying scares me, and then being in an unfamiliar place is hard. I do my best to relax, and my husband makes me feel safe. My prayer recently has been to live day to day. To be thankful for that time and to soak it up. I am tired of living in fear, I want to live with Christ. I want to live a life that has no boundaries...I want to live a better story.

No fear....

get to

So....today is a big day. I am heading back to work. I am starting slow....only two days a week and a total of 8 hours. It is perfect for me...I get to go back. I am thrilled that I will be spending those two days with people. I get to listen and love. I think that this position fits my personality perfectly....people tell me I get my energy from others, and that is this job. I get to help people find answers to SCC. I will answer the phones and hopefully connect them to a need or an answer they have been looking for. (I have already hung up on one person, so hopefully that is out of the way). I also get to be the person that meets and greets. I can't wait. No worries, Camden will be enjoying his new friends at school and some extra time with Grandma and Grandaddy....if you think of me today, say a prayer that I not worry and just love. Thanks...

what a weekend.

Happy Birthday to ME!!

Aunt Kailey came all the way from Texas to celebrate!!

Presents!!

Friends

Mama and Papa came up from Florida

(professional cupcake eater)

Pondering how to tackle the cupcake

FOUR generations

love my mama

We had an action packed weekend, full of fun and celebrating Camden. After I subbed on Friday, I came home to FULL house. Mama and Papa from Florida had arrived, Colin was home from work early, and Pam, Craig and Kailey were here. Camden was crawling person to person and playing with some of his new toys. He is so very loved. Friday night we all piled in the car and had Chick Fil-A for dinner. It was fun to sit and chat with all of our family. We laughed at Camden, and all just stared at him. (What did we do before him?) He has developed such a sweet personality. After dinner we came back to the house and hung out for a bit. I was exhausted from teaching and had set up an early training session for Pam and me with KJ....so I went to bed.

Pam and I were up early (missed you Kailey), and had our workout (torture) and then ran to the grocery to pick up the last few things for the party. Around 11:30 all of our friends arrived to celebrate our sweet boys bday. (see pix). We had a few friends who were sick and missed them...but were thankful that they didn't come and get us sick :) Camden seemed to enjoy his pizza and fourth cupcake of the week. We took tons of pix, one of my favorites is the four generation picture of Camden, Colin, Pam, and Papa. It made me sad that I don't have my grandparents here for that picture. They would be so proud of our little guy and love him so much.

Saturday afternoon consisted of Camden napping and the Harford, Sindorf, Stout people laughing and catching up on stories. Mama had just won bowler of the year and we got to hear all about her recent competitions. (one of Camden's gifts was a bowling set...watch out mama you may have some competition). Before Mama and Papa left we gathered as a family in the living room and prayed together. Papa is tender, and his heart for God is evident. When he prays there usually isn't a dry eye in the room. I am so thankful for his and Mama's faith....such an example.

That evening we went to Bar Louis for dinner and Jo Beth. After dinner Pam, Kailey and I went to see the movie Date Night and the boys headed home to put Camden to bed after and action packed day. Sunday was church, shopping, and Colin's famous roasted chicken. All in all we had such an amazing weekend. I am so thankful for family. I am thankful for Camden. I am thankful for this last year.

weekend

We are excited about Nana Pam, Papa Craig,and Kailey (I had a brain fart this morning and wrote Katelyn, my neice) coming in town from Dallas. They should arrive tonight, and spend the weekend with us celebrating Camden. I have been busy cleaning and preparing for their arrival....today I need to steam the floors upstairs, blow up the air mattress, and then mulch the front flower beds. I am thrilled that they are making the long trip in just for baby Camden.

Tomorrow I am subbing at TLS in my old classroom. I love spending time with the sweet kinders and Michelle. (I am subbing for Jaci). Friday night is either a cookout or Chick Fil-A, and then Saturday is the BIG DAY! Friends and family are heading over around noon for pizza cupcakes. I can't wait to see everyone and celebrate my sweet boy. We are heading to 1010 on Sunday and then the rest of the day is up in the air....any suggestions?

Next week I start my new job and Camden is starting "school." I start my job on Wednesday where I get to answer the phones and spend time with people. Camden gets to spend Fridays with Grandma and Grandaddy. I know he is going to love school....he will have his own cubbie!!! Am I going to be dorky if I go take a picture of it? I guess it is a teacher thing.....his teachers are some of my friends from church, and I know they will love on him. He will be so happy and safe.

I am telling you all this because I may be away from the blog all weekend. I promise to post pix and thoughts on Monday....
Em

Favorite pix from Camden's first year...

Heading to the hospital....poor Sampson didn't know what was about to happen

April 20, 2009

April 21,2009

Holding our sweet little gift

April 2009 (Welcome home Camden)

Mother's Day May 2009

June 2009 (all the boys look tired)

July 2009

August 2009

September 2009 (first bite of carrots)

Happy Halloween!

Boyd Orchard

Fall Fun

October 2009

November 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!!

December 2009

January 2010 (ravioli)

March 2010

Handsome

1 year old, April 2010

His Story

April 21, 2009

21.5 in long, 7lbs

4:56 PM

April 2010

1 year old

31.75in and 22.6lbs

We had our appointment this morning with Dr. Lewis. Camden was a trooper when he got his two shots. He was a little clingy...not too keen with his new friends at the office.

So I have been reading about my story and how I can live a better life if I focus on loving others and loving God. What about Camden's story. What can I do to ensure he is living a life for Christ. PRAYER!! I pray all day long, I just know that God is with me and have learned that I can talk to him wherever I am. Sometime Camden and I pray together in the car, we also like to sing (always with the windows up). As I think about his first year of life....Happy Birthday sweet boy. I think of the part I played in his life. He is totally dependent on me and Colin for survival. He is helpless, innocent (most of the time), and so pure. I enjoy listening to him chat, and boy has he got something to say. I wonder what he is saying. Is he praying...worshipping? I am sure he is saying "thank you for my awesome mommy and daddy..."



I can't wait to stand beside him as he walks through life. I am sure I will carry him occasionally, laugh with him, cry with him and for him, and cheer him on.

I know that is how Christ feels about me :)

One year ago tonight....

As I sit here and type (I should be cleaning and preparing for our awesome guests coming in town)....I can't help but remember one year ago I was in a hospital bed hooked up to a monitor and in labor....I felt great (little disappointed that I didn't get a blizzard). Colin and I set up our ipod, unpacked and got settled. We knew we were going to get to sleep and rest up for our big day. I just couldn't keep my eyes off that little bed....that little place where Camden would make his debut. I loved to hear the sound of his heart in the monitor. I loved to feel him moving inside of me. BUT, I couldn't wait to see his face and look into his eyes, and hold him in my arms. (now I am crying). I am the luckiest girl in the world.....what a difference a year can make.

We love you so much Camden Wade Stout, you have forever changed our lives. My prayer is that we are Godly examples, that you know God and follow Him and His plans. We pray for God's wisdom all the time, it is a scary place to be....but we trust God is in control and that He loves you so much.

I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but now he crawls around and calls me momma.