This week in Esther, I am learning on how to find the root of my quills....what? I don't know about you, but when I feel threatened, something spikes up on me that puts me into protective, defensive, 'oh no you didn't" mode. I am learning that typically my anger is rooted in jealousy and pain. If I am hurt...they go up....if I am jealous, they go up (I think they are longer when I am jealous). "We swap pain for anger because it is easier for a while" Beth Moore.
I am walking through the storyline of Mordecai and Haman to see this picture of "mean." Haman is a rotten, jealous, angry, jerk of a man. He just can't see past himself in many situations, he has REALLY big quills and he likes to poke people all the time (and I am not talking the Facebook kind).
Proverbs 18:7-8 (The Message)
7 Fools are undone by their big mouths;
7 Fools are undone by their big mouths;
their souls are crushed by their words.
I am just gonna be honest...I am a fool. I am really trying to learn to keep my mouth shut. I am trying to filter through my thoughts and not say things because it makes me funny or cool. I want to be a good listener, I don't want my words to get me into trouble. Words and quills can kill relationships, family, friends, etc. I don't want to miss out on a beautiful friend because of something I say or a reaction I have had. My new process in dealing with my quills is as follows.
PRAYER!!! Lots of prayer, and asking for God to pinpoint the root of my anger...in all honesty it is me most of the time. It is my thoughts, words that get my quills going. I want God to show me if it is my insecurity that causes the quills.
"If we discern something evil of suspicious, God calls us to take our concerns to Him with deepest humility, intercede earnestly, and ask what-if anything- we should do. " Beth Moore
DISCUSS with a trusted friend/hubs (not everyone) if they think it is in my head or if it is something I should do something about....conversation? Then back to praying.
CONVERSATION if needed, approach the person or SELF and humbly walk through the conversation....but before the conversation back to step one....LOTS And Lots of PRAYER!
Am I the only one that wants to run and be on the defense the minute you feel threatened? Does anyone else have quills? I am also praying that I have much thicker skin and a very thin heart so that I can be slow to anger. Would you pray for your angry friend....
"the bolts of your (my) gates will be iron and bronze, and your (my) strength will equal your days" Deut 33:25
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