If....

So as you know, I struggle with fear. More specifically with fear of death or something happening to those I love. This has been something deeply rooted in me for a long time. I remember when my Grandfather passed away, I came to realize that death was real....and I would die. I was in elementary school when I came home to both of my parents home (which never happened, dad worked until at least 6 every night). I was so happy to have my daddy home, but quickly sensed that something wasn't right. That morning he had been the one to wake us up and get us ready for school, I just thought it was a special day...however, my mom had been called to the hospital in the wee hours to say good-bye to her daddy. My grandaddy had a bad heart. He had many open heart surgeries, and I just knew that he would pull through his latest by-pass...but he didn't. After his death and funeral, I grew very, very fearful of dying. I remember waking up in the middle of the night thinking that my heart was stopping. I remember watching movies about cancer and thinking I had it. I remember hearing about Magic Johnson's diagnosis with AIDS, and you got it, I had it. Fear is powerful, our minds are powerful. So from then on...my fears and my mind worked against me...telling me lies. Now I know who to blame for being paralyzed with fears....and now I know that isn't who I am....death is real, but if I live in constant fear of death...I will never live. The devil is trying to keep a grip on me...he is trying to keep me crippled by my fears, so that I can't do God's will in my life. Not cool Devil, not cool. Little does he know...in the Bible God calls us to NOT FEAR over 365....one for each day. I think that HE knew we would struggle with fear.

I don't know what your fear is, but I do know.....
Philippians 4:6-7 (New International Version)
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

Ephesians 2:10 (New International Version)
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New International Version)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a]

God promises to use us...He has a plan. We must trust Him in all things, pray, and stand true to His promises. So, what has helped me? Lots and lots of prayer. Great conversations with good people, acknowledging these lies Satan has told me. Honestly, medicine....I think it is OK to take meds, they along with prayer help balance me out. And, most recently this.

"If I die, then I will be with God forever"
"If I get cancer, then God will hold my hand"
"If my parents get sick, God"
"If I lose Camden or Colin, God"

You see IF anything, God IS! He always will be. I may have to be scraped up off the ground IF those happen, but GOD will use me. God will be with me, God will NEVER leave me.

James 1:2-4 (The Message)
2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way

This may be too much, but I needed to get it off my chest. If I didn't, God would still know. Love you guys.