Truth

I ran accross these scriptures the other day in my journal....it was a post from Christ in Youth 2006. I always love how God's words are reassuring during anytime of your life....truth.

Ephesians 1:11
"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will"

Ephesians2:8-10
"For it is by grace you have been saved, though faith~and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God~not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"

The above two scriptures reassure me that it is not about me or my plans. GOD has a purpose and a plan and it is for me...Emily. He knows what doors to open and shut, and He guides me, as long as I listen and am obedient through this life. He has prepared a way for me....He has saved me through grace and I am his workmanship. I am his.

Ephesians 2:13
"But now in Christ Jesus you who were once far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ"

Ephesians 4:1-2
"I urge you (Paul) to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble, and gently,be patient, bearing with one another in love."

I am hoping that these words encourage you...that no matter where you are right now, God has gone ahead of you. To trust in his timing and his plans....they are far better then anything we could dream up ourselves.

Bargaining

Upon reading through my book "Let Go" for work, I stumbled upon the following...

"Usually we want to drive a bargain with God (in regards to suffering). We would at least like to suggest some limits so that we can see an end to our own sufferings. We don't realize how we are thwarting the purposes of God when we take this attitude. Because the stubborn clinging to life which makes the cross necessary in the first place, also tends us to reject that cross--at least in part. So we have to go cover the same ground again and again."

Guilty! Beth Moore joked around last week at bible study (sounds like she was there), and said everyone prays that nothing bad happens to them, family, or anyone they know...but that isn't reality. Suffering is part of life....part of life that Jesus said would happen. We will have trouble, but it is how we react when suffering that people notice. I think that when I am suffering, I have a better relationship with Christ then when life is going well. I tend to cling to Him when times are hard, and then simply acknowlege him when life is good. I am not saying that I want to suffer (and the anxious person inside of me is saying you are asking for it), I am just saying I want a consistent relationship with God. I want to rely on him in good and bad. I want to listen and hear from him all the time. The person keeping me from that consistent relationship is me....I am too busy to take time, until I am thrown into a time of suffering, ect....

So my prayer today is that I can sit and listen to him. That I can hear from him. That I can rely on him, and praise him. All in all...I am so glad for HIM! What would I do without that relationship...even when I tend to make it 20-80 most of the time. Grateful for His grace. I want to stop bargaining with him....I just want to trust him knowing that no matter what...He is.

Projects and Pix

We had such a great weekend. We really got to lay low as a family, enjoy sitting by the fire, hanging in our pj's, and relaxing. We did get to welcome Grandma and Grandaddy back from their cruise and celebrate a very special B-day....we love you Dad!

We enjoyed some fun times with Uncle Mac and Aunt Whitney.

Welcome to my new obsession...well, not really, I love to organize, and love labels, but have been inspired to go through each room/closet and purge/sell/give items we aren't using away. I also want to keep create specific places for things to be. Our goal is to only have to buy staples from the grocery over the next few weeks, prepare all meals with what we already have, then shop for two weeks and only have those needs in fridge and pantry....wish me luck. Is this unrealistic?

So, this is my before.....all things are in a place...I just need to foof it up a bit.

This is the after with my stencil in the background.

I took the same stencil I used in my office space wall and used it on the back of these shelves.

Then my friend Megan made these labels for me with her Cricut....I may need a group of people to go in with me to buy either a cricut or sillouette....anyone? I mean, it may be out of control... who is with me...leann?

(By the way...originally I was going to have salt as one of my canisters, but after telling Megan what I wanted I switched to powdered sugar...so no that isn't ALL salt!)

How is that for foof-i-fied? I love it. Colin still doesn't know where some items are....for example paper towels....they have been in the same spot for at least two weeks babe!

Be sure to check out my facebook page and watch the Mr. Wizard video....it took too long to upload on here...just another exciting adventure....

Crazy and Crafty

I tend to think I am crafty, while my hubs thinks I am crazy. If crafty is taking other peoples ideas and implementing them into my home, I am CRAFTY! I love blogs and especially blogs where people share their decorating ideas. I only have a few I look at because I get way to overwhelmed. A few of my fav's are http://www.thriftydecorchick.com/ (thanks Leann), http://honeywerehome.blogspot.com/, and http://jonesdesigncompany.com/ (this is where I got the idea for my wallpaper paint pen design in my office). So there are some of my favorites. Today I restructured my pantry/laundry/office area. I have pix to post soon. You know my issue, I'm on the iPad and, well you know. Anyway, I am also trying to do my redesign/crafty projects budget savvy. So another website I may be slightly obsessed with is Craigslist. Colin may think I am crazier about craigslist then crafts! Random post, but just really enjoying the time to be creatively crafty or crazy.

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I wish I could paint

I think that I am going to try and make excuses as to why I haven't been on here for a week. I have written two posts, thought that they were published only to find they went missing in cyber space. I am not techy (is that a word? spelling?), and I try to hang with the cool kids when it comes to the technology, but I just can't. Colin bought me an ipad a few months ago, and I do love it. I like that I can link emails from home and work, calender app is awesome, Angry Birds (enough said), and of course my FB and Twitter are at my fingertips. However, when it comes to blogging and pictures....I have issues. I have this app so I can blog, but it won't post or allow me to upload pix...don't even get me started on the pix. Right now I upload them to my old laptop (ol trusty), and then email them to my ipad, and then try and upload them....no dice. So today, I say down to blog from Ol Trusty. What an incredibly intense amazing post.....sorry Elizabeth :) At least it is new, right?

I am thankful for true, authentic friendships. I have been so very blessed when it comes to genuine friends. They are there in really good times, hard times, and with me crazy times. They laugh with me, cry with me, and call me out. It is so good to know that friends can and will let you know if you have done something wrong. I think that builds on the friendship so much more, when you can walk through the hard conversations and come out of them stronger. I believe that these friends are the ones that really sharpen me, hold me accountable, and genuinely see the real me....little tangent, but my friend needs to know I adore and love her for our chat this am.

Now, to the title of my post. Last night in our Esther bible study the following scripture stood out and spoke to me.

Isaiah 49:16
"See, I have engraved you on the palm of my hands"

I know you are all aware of my "vain imagination" in regards to fear. Beth also mentioned that last night. Ouch....God gives us strength, and in times when we really, really need His strength it is undeniable that He is there. What happens when I makes stuff up, and pray for strength for something that isn't even there....He can't provide strength if I am not really walking through the situation my "vain imagination" has thought up. Make sense? I conclude, that I am selfish when I spend all my time thinkng about me and my fear of death, cancer, etc. I am wasting my time and His holding tightly onto this fear. I have decided I want to let go of those fears and grab onto Jesus. I need to remember that he has held me so tightly, that I am engraved into the palm of His hands. Beth Moore demonstrated this by holding tightly onto a piece of jewelry and when she let go, the jewelry was indented into her palms. Jesus has a tight hold on me, and I tend to try and wiggle free. So if I could paint....I would paint a picture of His hands (not gonna happen, I could show you pix of HS art projects), and within his palms my initials insribed....not really easy to see, because I don't want to notice my name above His strong hands. Now that would be a cool painting. Then I would write Isaiah 49:16 at the bottom as a reminder of His promise to hold me tight.....I hope that this encourages someone today.

Promise to write before seven days go by!

Dr Akin

Soooo, today was our appointment with Dr. Akin. It was pretty cool to go back to the same little room, on the same couch, where this journey began three years ago. Colin and I talked about our feelings the first time we sat on the couch, how unsure and usettling it was. We didn't know a whole lot about IVF at that point, and were almost sure we would never go down that path. Today as we sat, three years later, and with an almost two year old at home, we were thankful that God took us down that road. We were thankful for Dr Akin and his abilities to help couples with infertility....and so, so, so, so, so thankful for the miracle of Camden Wade Stout. He is such a gift.

When Dr Akin came in, he told us he was so sorry. He really wants every person who goes through IVF, FET, IUI to end up pregnant, but sometimes it just doesn't work. He said right off the bat that we would most definately need to do another round of IVF in order to obtain pregnancy and that it was a 1 in 500 chance that we would get pregnant on our own. The answer for us was easy....we are not going to do IVF again. He suggested that IUI's would most likely not work, and that he totally understood why we didn't want to do another cycle. I asked him what he thought happened last month and he said that my body probably had a chemical pregnancy and a very, very early miscarriage. He mentioned usually 1 of his 15 patients a month usually has a chemical pregnancy. He reassured me that it was nothing I did, and I was so thankful to hear that. I have had some thoughts in the back of my mind that it was something I did....

After our appointment, we walked out of that little room where it all started, knowing that the IVF chapter has come to a close. We enjoyed the journey, and are forever grateful for what it did bring our family.

Let Go and Lexapro

I haven't written much about FET (frozen embryo transplant) the last few days. Colin and I talked about our plan over our quick trip to Louisville for New Years. I also acknowledge that our plan will most likely be different from God's and we are open to Him. I also get nervous for even admitting we have a plan, because to live by faith is to surrender all plans of our own.
So s simple disclaimer would be, "God you have the freedom to move as you see fit for our family, and permission to laugh at the following."

First off it was so nice to getaway with my sweet hubs. To get away from work, home, and to focus on us. We got to have some good belly laughs and conversation. We decided that we were so very blessed to have our sweet baby boy. We also realize what a miracle he really is. We have set an appointment with Dr. Akin for next week just to hear his thoughts on our failed pregnancy. My thoughts are that he will advise us to do IVF again. We have been told by to fertility specialists that the only way for us to get pregnant is through ivf. Colin and I know that we do not want to walk through in vitro again. I don't think we can financially or emotionally. We are interested to hear Dr Akin out, but assume to know what he will say.

After our appointment with Akin, I am going to go see Dr Butler. He is a wonderful Dr, he delivered Camden and is also a strong Christian. We value his opinion and counsel. Our plan for now is to get back on birth control, and be a family of three. I don't want to closer the door of future pregnancies, but believe this is what is best for our family.

When I talked to my friend last week about possibly getting back into fulltime work in a few years, he told me "you need to let go and lexapro.". I do know I need to let go of control and live by faith. The anxiety meds do help, and I sm learning more and more each day about my control issues. As for now, this has helped me. Again, I know that God sees the whole picture and is getting a good laugh out of this post.
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Once in a lifetime...

Coolest picture from the game...thanks John E and Kat!

He loved his dry erase clipboard (I could smell the marker)
NBD...just Tony Delk

Coach Cal and Coach Pitino-Frienemies Go Big Blue...about to hit the road to cheer on the CATS (pix out of order)

We had tickets to the UK verse UofL game on New Years Eve this year. We met up with two other couples and traveled up to Louisville together only to notice when gettin to YUM that our tickets said section 115, row A. Now I have never been in single letters, so as we are walkin to our seats Colin says "I think these are front row." I laugh and just kind of give him a look as we keep walking down the steps....I also notice that the section we are in is right behind the visiting teams bench, that's cool....UK is visiting, this could be interesting. As we get closer and closer and closer the floor, I notice that letter A is definately front row, and we are definately sitting right behind the bench...more specifically Coach Cal. So cool! Never have I ever seen a game from this perspective. I didn't know what to watch, the game or Coach Cal coachin the game. It was incredible....and I guess we were on TV because I was getting text after text about people seeing us...which was tricky. I was dying to twitpic, tweet, text the whole time, but didn't want to miss a minute of the game. I also skipped on my pretzel....I love me a pretzel....but my butt wasn't moving. I only had 40 minutes of this seat, and I know that these were once in a lifetime seats. What a cool way to see the game and cheer on the CATS....they looked great. So the pix above are from time outs and our first 5 minutes in the arena.