I don't like Surprises. (1)

This post is not going to be on my blog until Colin and I are ready. You may already have a hunch about what this is about....I am thinking that as you read more and more, your thoughts are going to where I think that you think they are going and what you are thinking is indeed true...as of tonight, December 20th.....I am pregnant!


This past October while on our awesome cruise, Colin and I had a discussion, in the ocean, with KJ (lucky guy) and decided that it was time to go back and get our sweet little embryos, fondly known as Chilly, Willy, and Lilly.


When we arrived home from our awesome vacation, and I called Dr. Akin. I felt so stupid when the receptionist answered, because there are technical terms for what we are doing, however I just shouted out "we want to come in and get our frozen babies!" The receptionist is the sweetest, and she just laughed and said the technical term is FET, frozen embryo transplant, and I replied, "that's what we want!". She transferred me to my friend Gale, and I had to leave a message. Of course Gale called back when I was in the car with my sweet momma.....whom we wanted to surprise (along with the rest of our family and friends). So I am just listening to Gale ramble off all these instructions, really wanting to ask a ton of questions.....and decide that I will just have to call the following day....(mom, I was dying to tell ya....probably everyday since we started).


I called Gale back and she said that this time, no injections just patches. I had to start the patched according to my cycle, and at some many days of patches I would go in to see my friend Dr. Akin and he would let me know if it was a go......My sweet, sweet friend Nakada happened to be at SCC dropping off Sophie and Riley the same time I dropped off Camden the morning of the appointment and offered to go with me. I was totally appreciative and thrilled she wanted to come with me (not to the ultrasound of course). We got coffee and just talked through what this meant....three embryos, triplets. "Are you ready for the possibility of three?" In my head, I have always struggled with the thought of even having one more child. My pregnancy with Camden was full of bedrest....and I don't know how that would work with a almost two year old....then I was reminded of "If....(I have triplets, twins, bedrest, no baby...), GOD!" No matter what, this is God's story, child, and He is in control.


Don't worry I have to remind myself of that every hour. So on Tuesday, Dr. Akin gave us the go ahead. He said everything looked great, and asked how many we wanted to defrost (again, not technical term)....Colin and I decided we would implant all three. We implanted three with Camden, and that gave us a 70% chance of one. We had also heard that 1/3 of the embryos coming out of the freezer would not make it...so we were looking at it possibly only being two. (is this making any sense?) Dr. Akin said we needed to be back at the IVF lab the following Tuesday, 9:00 for implant.


Nakada and I celebrated in the car and worked out a plan to get Camden to school early on Tuesday. She would meet me there in the concourse and feed the kids so Colin and I could get to the lab on time. However, it was a snow day so....plan B....we took Camden to Nakada's at 830ish (845ish) and Camden had a playdate with the twins and Jordan and Stef joined them. As Colin and I dropped off our little guy, we were honestly in a little tif because we were running a wee bit behind. He wanted to prepare a breakfast feast before our big appointment. I am all about a schedule and my lovely hubs is all about flying by the seat of his pants. So we were working through our timing and late arrival, and the fact that my emotions were extremely high. What if we do get pregnant, can I be a good mom, will I be able to LOVE all of these kids, will Camden fell left out....I really like our life right now... That's where my sweet hubs comes in....he kept encouraging me that this whole thing was out of our hands...that God was writing this story and I had to let go!


As we walked into the IVF lab, it was surreal. We had been driving by for the last few years saying hi to Chilly, Willy, and Lilly....and now they were ready....they weren't go to be there anymore after we left. That hope....that the possiblilty to become pregnant was not going to be there anymore after that day. We went back to our room to get ready and Dr Akin walked in to tell us that two of the three embryos had survived. Whoa...that was a little blow, we lost Chilly. I was a little relieved that we probably wouldn't have triplets, but still sad that our little embryo had not come through. BUT, we had Willy and Lilly, and we were giving them a chance at life within minutes. Dr Akin, was wonderful. So encouraging and kept saying we hope that you have an extra special gift this Christmas. As we sat and waiting for 15 minutes....Colin and I just talked about the future...the many different possibilities and were so thankful that we know God. That we trust God, and that we don't have to worry, HIS plan for our family is best.


That was Tuesday, December 14th and here I am on Monday, December 20th (three tests later) and tonight we finally had a very, very, very faint positive. I am going to my internal med doctore tomorrow for a head cold and going to ask her if she will do some bloodwork, to confirm. My test day isn't supposed to be until Thursday, December 23rd. Some things I have had to do over the past few weeks.



*Not tell my mom and dad (horrible, hard, and I share so much with my mom and dad, and I know that this will be worth it. I have made some ornaments to give our families on Christmas day to share the news. Camden is going to give it to them (and show Pam, Mama and Papa on skype) Christmas Day. (I will show a picture later)


*Come off my anxiety meds...this has been quite the ordeal, my body is doing crazy things...I know it will be worth it in the end, but oh my word, I am in withdraw as they say.


*not really talk about this with many people..you know that ain't my personality


*Pray....for God's will to be done.....If I am pregnant, then God.


I will continue to make posts and pulish once the secret is out, I just know that I will want this journey documented.....



SO SURPRISE.....now I LOVE surprises!